Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize