sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
