yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Where is the hickey?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
