Duck Duck Cougar?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
