How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
