Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She announced her abortion via fbk
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
