I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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