Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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