what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
