Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Congratulations! We have a period
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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