I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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