I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
