There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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