I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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