So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
