Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
