He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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