First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fuck appropriateness.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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