he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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