Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
