im drinking this country out of the recession.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
