so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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