I hate your face
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
pray to the hookup gods
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
