TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
