I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I pour the whiskey from now on
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
