I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
