He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
