Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize