Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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