if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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