guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
