Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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