i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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