if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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