Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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