Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
