I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
