At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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