I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
