I accidentally had phone sex last night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
