Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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