how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
