I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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