What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
