i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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