i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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