Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
