if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
