the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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