Having a random hookup so left but love u
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
