so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
