I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
