The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
