i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
