I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
