she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
