You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
