Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
