His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
