make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
