We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
