is your mom at the bar?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't deserve a penis
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
